Cazual Conversation
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My too-sue list
February 22nd, 2008, 11:11 pm · 4 Comments · posted by mcazalas
I am formally ready to sue.
I lack only an attorney, and surely, after reading the below list of grievances and claims I plan to file, one will step forward willing to take a share of the settlement.
Defendant: My father’s estate. Claim: Passed on bad genetics, making me prone to weight-gain.
Defendant: KIA Motors Inc. Claim: Made engine too powerful in 2004 models, leading to speeding ticket.
Defendant: Delwood Estates. Claim: Not enough single women in my age bracket, leading to loss of companionship, loneliness and feelings of inferiority.
Defendant: Panama City Beach Police Department. Claim: Their pursuit of a driver who crashed into another man, killing him, caused me undue hardship at my job, causing me to work extra hours under stressful conditions. Also missed The Office, My Name is Earl, and History Channel: The history of frivolous litigation.
Defendant: Spalding. Claim: Hit by inside pitch as a child, creating lifelong fear of intimacy.
Defendant: God. Claim: Held responsible for the rest of my woes, because, Lord knows, none of us are responsible for our own actions or for what we do.
Watch it Caz. Your human side is showing. I thought all journalists, like all cops and teachers, should remain pure, not cynical, and unbiased. There are people out here (LIKE MR. TYPES IN ALL CAPITALS AND THINKS IT’S CLEVER TO SPELL DUMB A$$ LIKE THIS) who will crucify you. I can speak with authority on this because I witness it every day. In the meantime, I think you’re doing one hell of a job. Keep the faith.
Caz, you don’t need to Sue… You need a woman named Sue who will let you know how Sue-per you are.
Caz you are getting better. Expect a call from Saturday Night Live before this day ends.
you kinda borrowed the lawsuit to the extreme idea didn’t you?