His memorial was a week ago today (Saturday), at 3:30 p.m. I knew I had been asked to speak at the memorial and assumed I was one of many asked to share a few thoughts about a man who in his last years alone wrote more moving pieces than I ever contemplated putting to paper.

It wasn’t until the morning of the memorial, however, that I realized I was not one of many speakers, but was the only speaker and was tasked with eulogizing my friend, an honor I did not feel I deserved.

What to say? I was in over my head. What could I saw about Claude that people who had known him for decades did not already know?

I counseled with trusted friends and was told not to worry, a higher power would be with me that day and the words would come. I believed that.

Driving to WaterSound, wondering what the heck I could say, I saw the blue lights in my rear-view mirror. I knew I was speeding, running a little late for my engagement.

The Walton County sheriff’s deputy took my license and information, asked about the speeding, and all I could offer was that I was a little late for a memorial at which I was speaking.

“What’s your friend’s name?” she asked, having heard a litany of excuses over the years, I’m sure.

“Claude Duncan,” I replied.

“Oh,” she said slowly, “I know that name. I was one of the first ones at his wreck and helped perform CPR.”

The family did not know, at that point, what caused Claude’s death exactly. Family and friends hoped it was medical related leading to a crash, as opposed to a crash without reason that ended with his car in a tree and suffering. The Florida Highway Patrol was still working on its fatality report.

The deputy offered to me that which I could never have ascertained for myself: Her observations and experience told her that Claude probably did not died as a result of the wreck, but rather from something medically related that led to the crash.

So as my friend foretold, I was able to offer something to the family at the eulogy, something they did not already know about Claude. He died in peace.

There was a time I would have believed the entire episode to be a big coincidence. I know better now.

“Zack and Miri Make a Porno” is not the exception to this rule.

The brief “review” I saw was innocent enough: “Lifelong platonic friends Zack and Miri look to solve their respective cash-flow problems by making an adult film together. As the cameras roll, however, the duo begin to sense that they may have more feelings for each other than they previously thought.”

It would have paid to read the actual review. By movie’s end, I decided I had seen X-rated fare with less sex. I’m not sure about my date, as she spent much of the time averting her eyes. 

“Now when I was your age,” I might tell a young lad of 24 or so, “an ‘R’ rating meant the woman might end up with a wet T-shirt for a scene.”

And the young man would likely look at me the same way I used to look at my grandfather when he said the biggest thrill in movies when he was younger might be a woman in a dress exposing her leg above the ankle.

The mood for the date was light, so we had eschewed “Eagle Eye,” a suspense/action movie with a PG-13 rating, for Zack and its “R” rating. It stars the lovable Seth Rogan and the cute Elizabeth Banks. What could go wrong?

Well, it seems the ratings system has changed. As was explained to by various reporters rolling their eyes when they heard what I’d done, what used to be “G” is “PG,” what used to be “PG” is now “PG-13,” etc., and if you are going to see an “R” rated movie, well, you might run across a man in a raincoat.

This is not to say the movie wasn’t funny. I heard several people laugh as I repeatedly explained to my date that I certainly had no idea what we were getting into.

There’s a reason you don’t let the man pick the movie, I suppose.

I’ve taken the liberty of recreating what it must have said:

FROM: DHSMV, Florida Highway Patrol, Troop A, Panama City, FL.
TO: All concerned with making darn sure it is beaten into the citizenry that driving is a privilege, not a right.

RE: Roadblock issues

Troop A Commandos,

As was recently noted in The News Herald of Panama City, we have a Supreme Court-ordered duty to notify citizens ahead of time of where we plan to conduct roadblocks.

The article noted that while we use to limit those to four or five locations a month, we now routinely list 30 or so places where we might be during any given month between the hours of sunrise and sunset.

One of our astute leaders looked at the map of these potential locations and had to agree with the News Herald’s assessment: The 30 roads comprised nearly all the roads in the county in one form or another, nearly guaranteeing any driver might fall into our grips.

We also agree this is not acceptable. You will note that the list of potential roadblock locations for next month has been doubled to 60, to close those loopholes and better ensure no one can travel about freely without fear of interrogation from someone with a badge and a gun.

Because we can’t be everywhere at once, we’ve listed 30 locations where we might be between sunset and noon, and 30 more where we might be between noon and sunsent. We are not attaching a map this month since this essentially encompasses the entire county.

Enjoy using your right to remind folks how lucky they are to have privileges.

A neck shot, from the bow stand about 18 yards away

Attribute it to an emotional high I’m riding after dropping a doe with a neck shot on the opening day of bow season today.

I’m not sure what we’re going to call it: “Bucks for Bucks” or something like that. Anyone in Bay County is eligible. The rules will develop between now and Thanksgiving but go something like this:

You send in your picture when you harvest a buck and I’ll post it here on our Website with your name and the deer’s particulars (where you shot it, how, any story behind the harvest).

We’ll post all submitted photos of harvested deer.

But for the money, we’ll have two categories. One is for anyone 16 or under and any legal buck will be eligible. The second will be for adults and will include only 8-point or better.

One name will be drawn from each category for a prize to be determined prior to general gun opening at Thanksgiving, but it will be worth at least $50.

Since it’s a drawing, anyone can win, so it’s not a “big buck” contest.

We’ll monitor interest and feedback and if enough people express an interest, we’ll do it.

If you have an interest, let us know. In the meantime, send us your pictures.

Thursday, subpoenaed to traffic court as a witness to a wreck, I walked in on a hearing presided over by Bob Pell.

Traffic court is generally mundane, this hearing was not.

The undisputed facts as I heard presented from the trooper and the defendant were these:

The trooper was working one of those beloved vehicle inspection checkpoints at a nice choked-up place on County 2300 near the dam at Deer Point Lake.

The woman was driving along minding her own business to take her young child to some sort of sporting event or function. The trooper saw the car and decided, in his experienced opinion, that the window tint on the passenger side window was too dark.

He approached the car and after receiving the woman’s papers (driver’s license and registration), told her to roll up her driver’s window so he could measure her window tint. The woman declined, believing it an invasion of her rights.

The trooper again asked her to roll up her driver’s window and she again declined.

At this point I’m thinking, “I bet that smart ol’ trooper went around to the passenger’s side window, measured the tint there, and wrote his ticket and she’s going to complain about that!”

No, on the side of the road with a mom and child - the wife and child of a police officer we would soon learn - he threatened to arrest her if she didn’t by God roll up the window he wanted to check.

That, in a nutshell, is the problem with the Florida Highway Patrol. It’s the attitude. The ticketed woman saw it with the arrest threat, hence her desire to have a hearing. The hearing officer saw it, as evidenced when he told the trooper he really ought to find a kinder, softer way to go about his business. I saw it as the trooper argued that he was within his rights to do it the way he did it.

Pell, not as easily sold, called it a good opportunity to research an interesting legal question: Did the trooper violate the woman’s Fifth Amendment rights against self-incrimination when he threatened her with arrest if she didn’t roll up her window?

At the end of the day, this is what we had: The FHP managed to alienate a woman who until the moment of that encounter was heavily inclined to support law enforcement. A hearing officer wondered if this might be some interesting legal ground to investigate. A witness wondered why the trooper was so adamant that because what he did was probably legal, it was therefore right, and why he didn’t just measure the window he had access to, which would’ve made the entire case moot.

And the trooper seemed to wonder why anyone was questioning what he did, as opposed to whether there was a better way to do it.

That is not to say the possibility does not exist.

What we know is that Richard Albritton III was downtown with some fellow prosecutors the night of Sept. 27 and apparently had been drinking. At least one person saw him leave in his vehicle, which struck a parked vehicle in the 200 block of Harrison Avenue and left the scene.

Did Albritton even realize he hit anything? Maybe not. Initial reports made it sound as if the carnage included an entire rear bumper. It didn’t. It was more like a piece of plastic off the bumper.

We now know what someone else said Albritton nearly hit another car near Beck Avenue.

As one set of Panama City police investigated the Harrison Avenue wreck, another officer was called to Taco Bell on 23^rd Street in reference to an impaired driver at the drive-through.

Officer David Williams found Albritton passed out behind the wheel of his idling vehicle in the drive through lane. In a report he was ordered to write some nine days after the incident, Williams said what police are known to say in such circumstances: “I smelled a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage coming from within the vehicle. I also noted that the driver’s eyes appeared to be bloodshot red.”

Williams’ contacted his sergeant, Ric MacKinnon, and while we don’t know what was said, we know the  result. Williams parked Albritton’s SUV for him and called his girlfriend to pick him up.

It was only later the next morning that MacKinnon, reviewing the evening’s reports, saw the hit-and-run and put two-and-two together. To his credit, MacKinnon notified the officer working the wreck of the incident at Taco Bell and police matched the pieces of plastic in the road to Albritton’s bumper.

But when police later contacted Albritton, they said he “did not volunteer if he was driving at the time of the accident.” That might have been the end of it had The News Herald not inquired.

In response to media questions a police captain — apparently not kept up to speed by his own officers about events at Taco Bell — stated the wreck investigation was stalled since no one knew who was driving.

It went downhill from there.

Subsequently, Albritton was charged with leaving the scene of an accident but not DUI. The damage is done for him. While you can understand why someone would take the easy way out, we’ll never know what would have happened had Albritton just remained at the scene of a very minor wreck.

His career as a prosecutor is over for now, not so much for the wreck as for the events following it.

The three officers involved in the incident received suspensions and the kind of black marks on their records that tend to linger, potentially affecting their careers for some time to come.

A department that prides itself on professionalism can only continue to do the right thing and wait for the shine to wear off the black eye.

Like many things in life, the repercussions of our decision making often outlast the actual event itself. And that is some of the good that can come out of this.

You can rest assured members of the Panama City Police Department will take this as a refresher course in why every call has to be handled is if the world were watching and why a prosecutor passed out at Taco Bell deserves the same treatment as anyone else would get.

Albritton has the most to say about whether anything good happens to him as a result. Sometimes it takes what it takes to get your attention that maybe your decision making needs some fine-tuning, and such inward inspections often bear fruit down the road.

Every one watching the situation should bear that in mind as well and give all involved a chance.

For the real test in life is not what happens to us as it is how we react to it.

Tuesday’s vote wasn’t close, 722-464.

The dilemma now is where will The News Herald turn to break-in rookie government reporters?

Much as the crime beat is used for breaking in rookie  writers - the prevailing thought is if a newbie can survive covering crime he or she can cover anything - Cedar Grove was a testing ground for wannabee government reporters.

I was thrown to those wolves back in the mid-80s.

It was 1985. Crack was making its first appearance, Nintendo made its debut, Billy Joel married Christine Brinkley and a Cedar Grove commissioner said used a profanity so profane that even the other members of the board appeared aghast.

Time seemed to freeze. I was taking notes and stopped, trying to make eye contact with the other commissioners because I could not believe what I had just heard. It was only one word, but it was bad, and everyone but the person who uttered it understood that.

The offending commissioner was aging, and by aging let’s say she was a lot closer to triple digits in age than I was to my midlife crisis.

A lot discussion took place after meeting, both with other commissioners who begged me not to print what was said, and with my boss at the time. By the time the story was filed, it was decided not to publish it, mainly because there were zero audience members present when it was uttered.

Still, the moment has stuck with me, and in many ways helped define how I looked at the city. It never really seemed to grow up with the rest of the county in terms of how it conducts business.

Actions and words acceptable 23 years ago are no longer so palatable to voters, it appears.

Maybe it is because it follows so much uncertainty in our economic future. Maybe it is because the TV happened to be on as it moved from 490 points down to more than 700 points down in an hour or so.

The reality is it seems more real because I did, for the first time, exactly what I knew not to do: I looked at my 401-K retirement plan online.

It has lost nearly one-fifth of its value this year.

That makes it personal. When the Real estate market is bad, it hurts but not everyone suffers. When AIG fails, and it’s not even the biggest failure of the week, there is some hurting going on.

I jokingly told folks, before Monday, that I am the ostrich with its head in the sand as it goes to the bank failures and stock market fluctuations. I have no control over it, so I’d rather not know.

My head came out for a short time today and I’m having trouble getting it back under cover.

Yes, the plan is for the long haul. Things change. It’s not the first time the market has done this.

For the first time in years, since 9-11 really, I’ll be watching the opening tomorrow. I’d of been better off keeping my head in the sand another 20 years, but it is too late for that.

One of the first questions we are supposed to ask as journalists is: “How does this story affect you, the reader?”

It is not because he is a correctional officer facing disgrace. It is not because his father, a good man, holds public office.

It is because Laramore, 44, lives in rural Marianna and was, police said, wearing a black dress, black stockings and a blond wig when he was pulled over for erratic driving.

The DUI charge - he blew 0.0 on a breath test but refused a chemical test - can be handled. Even a possession of methamphetamine charge can resolve itself over time and with reformed behavior become a part of the past.

How in the world, though, especially in Marianna, do you explain to your buddies the part about the dress, stockings and wig?

The thought crossed my mind that there is little legitimate reason to be so stylishly dressed that late at night with Halloween still a month away. Especially with the cold snap we’ve settled into. You’d at least expect some leg warmers.

Then the thought crossed my mind that there are at least three occassions where charity functions required me to dig up dresses: a Goodwill event, a Hooter’s fundraiser and a Red Cross event at the Panama City Mall.

That would be hard to explain under the wrong circumstances.

Maybe Laramore was on his way to or from fundraiser, or a party for that matter. It’ll make things a lot easier with his hunting buddies, if they are anything like mine.

It’s not fall, though we are glad to feel a taste of that this week. It’s the wafting scent of disbelief as two cities talk about raising their millage rates as we watch our economy collapse around us on the local, state and national level.

Lynn Haven only slightly raised its millage rate, from 2.82 mills to 3.08 mills, but made up for that with a 4-percent hike in garbage rates to match the 4-percent increase approved a month ago for water and sewer rates.

Lynn Haven residents are used to having one of the highest overall millage rates of any place in the county, and often wonder exactly what they get in return for that honor. As a former resident there, I had the same concern and was never particularly appeased with the city’s explanations.

Rate and millage hikes there without obvious needs are more the norm, and less likely to raise eyebrows from weary taxpayers.

Panama City has gotten a lot of credit in this corner for being, as government goes, pretty good stewards of our tax dollars. They had lots of money to spend when times were flush, and while one could argue we don’t need all the amenities the city provies, one could also argue we have a lot of nice things to show for it. We have a nice parks system, clean marinas, effecient and professional police and fire departments, and a sense of order.

That made the commission’s near departure from its usual fiscal responsibility at its last meeting even more surprising.

No one is flush, now, few are making more money than they were last year and times are tight.

That did not deter two voting members of the Commission - Mayor Scott Clemons and Commissioner Jonathan Wilson - from pushing for an even higher millage rate.

The city already voted 4-0 that day to move the millage rate from 3.761 mills to 3.849 mills, the “roll forward” rate. That rate, essentially, is the millage neede to raise the same amount of money as the year before, and property values declined city-wide.

Following that vote, Wilson moved to raise the millage to 4.1325 at allow for some capital project. Clemons upped that, asking for the  maximum the state allows: 4.5 mills.

Thankfully, commissioners John Pilcher and Billy Rader were opposed and, with the absence of Commissioner Kathryn Hanline, the motion died a much-needed death.

Clemons said he worried about cutting the budget “too thin,” and affecting the quality of life that makes Panama City unique.

So what was in store with the extra money to be brought in with the increased millage? Well, it appears another park and a corridor study of some sort around the old airport.

This is not the year for another park, not when it entails an increased millage rate.

And we’ll save the airport argument for another day, but suffice it to say that the new owners of the airport property who plan to build a condo/business heaven purchased the responsibility of infrastructure needs when it purchased the property, and the city doesn’t need to bail them out.